a strange feeling, sometimes a little weird, sometimes funny because of the complete opposites that get thrown up, at times outright boring because of the sheer repititiveness, other times a simply enjoyable pastime, and i am sure, this is no unique sitiuation, that i am not alone in this, that there are countless other loners who go through this and it is because they enjoy this dialogue, the two MEs grow, they are nourished, fed, bathed, clothed and let to live, only in the mind...
i call them my Big Me and my Small Me... the two guys who live inside me, relentlessly talking, talking in long soliloquies, or mono-sentences, as the mood is...
let's me recount one dialogue that has been happening for quite sometime now...
Big Me (BM): why blog?
Small Me (SM): why not? it feels good to let go of words and feelings that lie inside.
BM: words yes, feelings no. can i be open with feelings here?
SM: oh, you and open with feelings???? not possible, buddy... that is the because of your Spastic Colon, am i correct?
BM: behave yourself and i am not your buddy, understand... why talk irrelevant things? i was just raising a question and you have come out with an unrelated problem...
SM: i thought it was related... you are constipated in mind and body (the latter has resulted in the colon disorder)...ok, ok sorry, be less touchy...
BM: why blog?
SM: you are back to where you started... but as i said, i am all for telling what i feel, and care not for what others think about me...
BM: that is the reason why you and me are different, though we live in the same mind. that is the reason why your mental age does not increase and mine has never decreased, though we keep talking to each other.
SM: keep to the basics... mental age is a factor of the mind... i do not have one... but jokes aside, why aren't you writing? why are you not giving vent to what is inside you?
BM: call it a writer's block, a thinker's block, but there is some sort of a block and so many questions...
SM: like?
BM: i asked you one: why blog? rather how should one blog, since you have already answered my earlier question?
SM: what do you mean?
BM: how honest can one be? how honest should one be?
SM: for me, both are same... what i can do, i should do; what i can say, i should say...
BM: that is the reason why you are S and i am B... for me there is a yawning gap between should and can...i cannot do all that i should be doing; i should not do all that i can do...
SM: for once, keep your rhetorics aside and go write. just get off all the blocks and communicate with yourself loud. it's fine, it does not really matter that others might read your blog and read into your mind... all who come here to write, write with a view to getting a free mind... that is the idea.
BM: for starters, i will publish this dialogue... Yipee!!!
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2 comments:
very nice, welcome back. didn't realise you were back to blogging.
that's a dialogue most of us have everyday right? be it about blogging or about parenting or about work. what we can and what we should do.
about honesty -- be as honest as YOU can handle, not as honest as others can handle.
but seriously, nice tone and style to make a come back.
Thanks, UmmON, i take that as a compliment... yes, this space really is very special, given the fact that one does not have to bother about so many things that we get a wee bit tired of... it is almost like having a clear bowel (i bet) and yes, where in life can we be 100% honest? so, i needed to come back here and be here... and this dialogue feels great...
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