the place of the significant other...

... in our lives, depends a lot on attitude, in fact whole of it.

have seen couples who portray a total lack of balance when it comes to their spouses, because the lady decides willingly to be a doormat. the man is clearly more equal than the woman and the woman either does not know what she has traded away (identity), or does not want to have one. that's one way.

then there are others where the lady wears the pants, because the man is docile and takes the passive role. here, the man has less of an identity. that's another option. the straight ones, both these, i call them.

the third way is made by couples who have, knowingly, shunned both the above and want a decent space for each of them(selves)... and that is the trick, since even if they are clear, on how much they will yield to each other and constantly think hard of how well to finetune it, people around who have seen an either/or scenario, do not know what is going on in these homes... i happen to fall in this third bracket.

B and i met 25 years back, as college students, in the same class. we have courted for 6+ years, and have been married for the past 18+ years. so the question of inequality really did not arise, to begin with.

so after marriage, while we both were clear in our minds, people around were not. my folks knew better... that to comment would be inviting problems and they steered clear. his folks stumbled a little in the beginning and have let it be.

running the home is my responsibility. he earns, i manage. i decide what is to be bought, what is to be cooked, what is to be washed and ironed, what is to be junked. and i love doing it. where i cannot, i seek paid help, in cooking for instance.

i manage R too... keeping my schedules as closely linked to hers, her studies, her classes, the works... where i cannot, B pitches in willingly.

we use each other as sounding boards for our doubts in life, in general.

we have kept one aspect separate -- money. i manage mine; he manages his, though we do know what the other is doing and not doing. we are more mature here and do not question. possibly, we have developed a certain respect in each other's judgement.

rather a plain arrangement, it struck me yesterday when, at a get-together of B's colleagues, one wife from Category 1, commented that she had the liberty of spending $4200 on a diamond bangle and mind you, she does not work for a living. this bangle was just to complete a set with a diamond necklace that her husband had got for her earlier in the year.

the mention has not saddened me or surprised me, it has just made me more conscious of one fact -- i come really cheap... only hope B realises it.

how i escaped a fight

... with B, who else?

had been to the exchange to send some money, somewhat a fixed routine at the end of the month. and most of the times, B is there with me...

this time around, since he did not need to send, i went alone... and B was not aware. i walk in to the scheduled counter and it was empty... "I save 15 minutes from my set time," i thought to myself and as i was taking the last transaction paper, for the man at the counter, to get my account details, he said, "Yes, Mrs A...".

i was surprised, nay stunned. how the hell did the non-descript man, doing a boring job, remember my name, amongst the all such people who come here much more regularly?

he looks too routine to muster up the courage to flirt... and certainly not with me... i went on with the transaction, with a look of not having noticed that he mentioned my name, a matter-of-fact expression...

but for once I was happy that B had not accompanied me, though i sometimes do mention that there have been times when i have handled things alone and routinely do... for once, i thanked his almost-12-hour job, five days a week...

had he been there, i know his instant reaction would be a hardening of the jaws, followed by the cool jibes later...