she does not have to be a dancer

is what i think, but not B of R and that was the provocation for the last fight that we had... nothing new, we keep having it every now and then, especially weekends.


of late, R has started taking interest in extra-curricular activites. when she was tiny, i did try to get her into music (which did not interest her) and later, into violin. she was not interested by this either... i quit thinking that she is another lazy lady like her mother, but when she actively took interest in public speaking, we enrolled her into Gavel's Club (the junior wing of Toastmasters)... i was not surpised by this. someone who reads and reads should be able to speak well as well.

what did surprise me was the latest interest -- dance. so in the latest Bengali Parishad function, she herself went and got her name in for the forthcoming dance recital, coming Friday. so for the past three weekends, life has revolved around dropping and picking her up from her dance rehersals. this week, it has and is going to be extra hectic because of in-between week practice sessions.


last weekend when we had dropped her and were leaving, the lady who is guiding the practice, came up to us and said, "your daughter is not able to pick up the steps well, despite my showing it to her. since this is an important function and will be telecast on Star Ananda, i will see how she does today and then decide whether she will participate or not," all this while i knew that the tailor had been called to take the costume measurements.


i told the lady, "she has never danced on stage. so if she is stiff, she has to put in more practice now... see how she is today..." while B maintained a stony silence and an equally stony face, with the jaws hardening. my heart broke and i kept remembering R's anxious face as she was dancing.


"Not enough said or protested, because she did not tell this to us earlier. on the penultimate day, how can she say this. i am going to pick her up right now and register my protest that this is an unprofessional way of doing things, that there should have been an audition and elimination," B stormed at me.


we left from there, went to pick up a gift for a birthday party that evening and were constantly arguing over why i did not tell the lady what B felt. in fact, B's colleague who saw us at the store said later, "K (his wife) and i did not call you because you were so engrossed in talking (read fighting)."


B kept calling R and she kept saying she is practising. then B mentioned, "the lady said you could be out if you do not do well, and you still want to do?" R replied, "yes, i will." we wre not sure whther she knew she could be dropped.


we went back to pick her up and on the way, i said, "dancing is no priority, if she is out, she is." "NO, there has to be a method and though we know R is not a trained dancer, it is her participation that counts. i will talk to the lady but you will not only be with me, you will say exactly what should be said," B was forceful and this was the parent in him talking, not my partner, i realised.


i followed him in (for a change) and saw the girls practising engrossed. B walked in straight and i told the lady, "in case you are dropping her, do that today, now. and imagine what will go on in the child's mind to know that she is being dropped now."


"she is doing much better than she was and with practice in front of the mirror, she will know exactly where to improve." she did not sound unprofessional in the least.


so little miss R is dancing all day in front of the mirror, but i keep having a nagging doubt in my mind: am i ok as a parent? or do i need to be more socially protective of her? with my poor social skills, possibly R misses out on these small things which will make her happier.... so here i am running around in the evenings, picking up and dropping children for unofficial practice sessions at my place and at others'... this has made me wonder how vulnerable are we as parents and how little things matter when it comes to the child.


Wish R luck for her performance...

of kebabs and koftas

i am no cook... yes, i do cook, but that is only now, in the past 9 months, the longest stint in my cooking calendar.
but when i made the lamb kebab today, after R's contant reminder that i had promised to make some for her, and served them hot-from-the-
oven to her, she smiled a smile that she has never...
and that is what pushes me to cook these days -- the look on her face which shines with an unexplained happiness tinged with a dash of pride.
and guess whom she befriended to share this little message with me... my Ma, who is (or is it was??) the best cook i have met and known...
R told her, on being served consecutive meals made by her grandmom this summer, that she wished her mom too would cook the same dishes -- malpoa, lau, shukto... peppered with her own kebab, kofta and pudding...
and honestly, i have made all the three on R's wishlist...
children have their own way of getting things done, and i do believe, R told Ma, not to get the things she wants, but trusts the impact of something that Ma will tell me to do...
some things go beyond explanation... and the bond that R shares with both her grandmoms is unique... with one, it is still like a child, with pranks, jokes and laughter; with the other, she acts like a full-blown adult, keeping her reserve and limit. and both these, she plays with equal ease, poise and a lot of confidence.
i relished watching both of these role-plays last vacation home... it was R's first visit as a teenager, and i was sceptical that she might show her ugly self there... the mother in me would be hurt then... but blood ties brought out the best in her and she behaved herself to the T, and needed no prompting whatsoever... it was as if, she never lived without our folks.

12 years back

R at 1 yr 7 mths...
the father looks younger too!

R's 7th school

she started in 1998, with a play school called Stepping Stone, on February 2, 1998, in Kolkata.
Next was Pratt Memorial School, from April 2000 to September 2001, Kolkata.Next came Ramjas School, October 2001 to March 2003, New Delhi.
Auxilium Convent School, April 2003 to March 2005, Kolkata.
Indian School Muscat, April 2005 to October 2006.
Ideal Indian School, November 2006 to March 2009, Doha.
DPS, Doha, April 2009 onwards.
all other school changes were a result of our city/country movements... so she had no choice...
this is the only time she has chosen... and we did not feel like saying no... hope she has made the correct choice...

i am sorry, R

this is escapism, i know... but i have to get it out of myself... and once i am home, i will say sorry to you, my child...
i shouldn't have screamed at you when you wanted a Coke, after coming back from school today.
i was rushing for my next assignment and had to be there by 1 pm. it was past 12.30, when you suddenly realised that you wanted a Coke...
i was restrained initially, but when the nearby shop, even after a phone call, did not deliver the can, i burst out... then to make up for the lapse, ran and got the can myself... left for the assignment, had a very nice interview, came back to work...
and when i called you from work, your tone was normal... despite being screamed at, despite being told that you were harassing me, you kept your cool...
and that is when i started feeling more rotten...
i really am sorry... and will try not to repeat this ever... and i love you veeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy much, muaah...

child lock

i haven't put this on my TV... and many a day, my preteen is at home while i am at work...the doubt crossed my mind yesterday when a friend who had come for dinner said that his kids -- the son 11 and daughter 6 -- were allowed only two channels on TV, and despite the fact that their mother is full-time at home... this while my preteen was busy with a song-and-dance sequence...
while i think the mention was just to make us feel a little doubtful of our parental skills, i have settled the doubt once and for all -- how will my child get to know what is happening around the world, if i allow her only two channels, though i often have to goad her to watch news. second, when will she enjoy vicarious romance, if she can only watch what we want? why can't she watch chick flicks and laugh all by herself?
when all this was crossing my mind, i was driving home from work... when i got back, i looked at her face, her eyes searchingly... and all i could see was innocence writ large...
i have done ok, i told myself.

mommy on the remote

that's me... like many others may be, but my preteen has almcst grown up, with me guiding her (now that she can manage herself) or the nanny (when she was younger) forever on the phone.
may sound trendy, it is not let me assure you... for it is she who is always primary in my mind and no matter which time zone i am in, i always live (in the realm of the mind) in the time zone of my preteen... waking her for school, reminding her to pack in her keys so that she can enter home alright, planning out her meals at a distance, checking when she gets back from school, reminding her to have her meal... an entire day, on the phone...
Thank God for inventing the mobile...