while driving R to her Maths classes, she was fiddling with the car lighter. it was irritating me, i know not why. so i asked her, "do you want a fag?" "what's that?" she asked. "Papa's after-dinner snack," i said.
she knew what i meant... and said, "good girls do not smoke."
i was thrown off guard... while i have to admit that i was happy with her confidence in her belief in two things (a)that she is a "good girl"; (b)that she thinks she will not smoke since she is (a), it has kept my mind occupied on a whole lot of other questions:
(a)does she know that good girl does not mean being a door mat?
(b)does she know that good girl may entail a lot of choices which do not necessarily mean being smart (unlike the non-smoking choice she seems to have made)?
(c)what are the other attributes of a good girl in her mind?
(d)has she latched on to the idea of good girl, not seeing through my trick of getting her to do things by calling her a good girl (lokkhi meye, in our lingo) many times?
(e)have we successfully increased the number of a non-challenging stereotype?
... many questions, many doubts, many unsure ideas in the mind...
Jan 5, 2009
Jan 1, 2009
for the sake of conscience
does that sound passe? or prehistoric? or out of date?
yes, to many it does... but again, not to many, i am sure...
conscience is not a Moral Science concept or something we read about only in the books...
it is very much relevant today, as it was when the word was invented...
i am sure all of you must have felt an inner bliss when you have done something good, not necessarily for yourself but for someone else, not to your tangible benefit... that can be described as good karma, but the bliss was the feeling of joy your conscience gave you... the invisible reward.
or the reverse when you have felt an inner heaviness when you, consciously, have done soemthing that is not correct, lied, been harsh and rude?... bad karma and the heaviness is the chiding that the inner voice gives as punishment for being wrong...
my encounter with this inner master began quite early... while in a convent school, we necessarily had to study moral science, though i was not particularly inclined in any of what i learned (socialised at home as we were in a strongly anti-religious way), i understood the inner power when some little lies escaped me, in my effort to be smug... whether or not i was caught by others, this guy inside told me i was wrong... today i know, it was the result of the training that my parents gave me and the schooling i had...
in 1991, just before my wedding, my aunt (Mom's elder and only sis) came visiting... we (aunt and me) were great buddies... many a times, she has saved me from being thrashed by both my parents... so the soft corner i had (she is no more) for her.
in an after-dinner walk that we had gone for, she held my hand and said, "shortly you will be married and will go, leaving your parents, to another home. you will not like many things about the new place, the new people, even the guy you have chosen to be your life partner and you will not be able to discuss them with all, maybe none at times. but always take care to build the relationship with B and his family, guided by your conscience." this was no tall order i thought then, the immature 24-year-old as i was... i know better now, though i have tried to abide by her advice...
some instances stay on with you... this is one such. aunt was no career lady, no working woman, but what she told me for the sake of building a satisfied married life, has stood me in good stead in LIFE, in general...
yes, to many it does... but again, not to many, i am sure...
conscience is not a Moral Science concept or something we read about only in the books...
it is very much relevant today, as it was when the word was invented...
i am sure all of you must have felt an inner bliss when you have done something good, not necessarily for yourself but for someone else, not to your tangible benefit... that can be described as good karma, but the bliss was the feeling of joy your conscience gave you... the invisible reward.
or the reverse when you have felt an inner heaviness when you, consciously, have done soemthing that is not correct, lied, been harsh and rude?... bad karma and the heaviness is the chiding that the inner voice gives as punishment for being wrong...
my encounter with this inner master began quite early... while in a convent school, we necessarily had to study moral science, though i was not particularly inclined in any of what i learned (socialised at home as we were in a strongly anti-religious way), i understood the inner power when some little lies escaped me, in my effort to be smug... whether or not i was caught by others, this guy inside told me i was wrong... today i know, it was the result of the training that my parents gave me and the schooling i had...
in 1991, just before my wedding, my aunt (Mom's elder and only sis) came visiting... we (aunt and me) were great buddies... many a times, she has saved me from being thrashed by both my parents... so the soft corner i had (she is no more) for her.
in an after-dinner walk that we had gone for, she held my hand and said, "shortly you will be married and will go, leaving your parents, to another home. you will not like many things about the new place, the new people, even the guy you have chosen to be your life partner and you will not be able to discuss them with all, maybe none at times. but always take care to build the relationship with B and his family, guided by your conscience." this was no tall order i thought then, the immature 24-year-old as i was... i know better now, though i have tried to abide by her advice...
some instances stay on with you... this is one such. aunt was no career lady, no working woman, but what she told me for the sake of building a satisfied married life, has stood me in good stead in LIFE, in general...
when the soul is touched... i thank LIFE
the first day of the year... my birthday too...
am fortunate enough to be part of a small, well-knit group of colleagues who make life better, more worthy of living and cherishing...
that is the BIG picture, as one cliche would put it.
but i am grateful for that... but that is not the point of the post...
we had a small, simple New Year celebration in office, which was also a birthday celebration for me and my colleague N and today's post is wholly dedicated to her...
i have mentioned her in one of my earlier posts, but just in passing...
she is our office Mom, who takes care of us, literally... she carts food from home regularly so that we are not hungry. she takes care of all the parties we keep having, from planning to executing it, with the same degree of warmth and personal touch as she runs her own home. she cannot say NO, even when it deserves a loud, clear one. she is unspoilt in this day and age when people think only about their own benefit. and she does all of this with a broad smile that is not put on... it comes genuinely from within. this is again the BIG picture about N which everyone who knows her in the office, knows...
what i discovered today, is something beyond words...
N and A (her hubby) have gifted me on my birthday a framed family pic which we took at Paris... A took time and effort to edit it and gave it the background of Invalides garden, though it was shot at the entrance to Napoleon's tomb...
and when i called A to thank him, he merely stated, "N wanted to surprise you..."
some people are just made differently...
thank you LIFE for giving me these moments which bring a lump inside my throat...
am fortunate enough to be part of a small, well-knit group of colleagues who make life better, more worthy of living and cherishing...
that is the BIG picture, as one cliche would put it.
but i am grateful for that... but that is not the point of the post...
we had a small, simple New Year celebration in office, which was also a birthday celebration for me and my colleague N and today's post is wholly dedicated to her...
i have mentioned her in one of my earlier posts, but just in passing...
she is our office Mom, who takes care of us, literally... she carts food from home regularly so that we are not hungry. she takes care of all the parties we keep having, from planning to executing it, with the same degree of warmth and personal touch as she runs her own home. she cannot say NO, even when it deserves a loud, clear one. she is unspoilt in this day and age when people think only about their own benefit. and she does all of this with a broad smile that is not put on... it comes genuinely from within. this is again the BIG picture about N which everyone who knows her in the office, knows...
what i discovered today, is something beyond words...
N and A (her hubby) have gifted me on my birthday a framed family pic which we took at Paris... A took time and effort to edit it and gave it the background of Invalides garden, though it was shot at the entrance to Napoleon's tomb...
and when i called A to thank him, he merely stated, "N wanted to surprise you..."
some people are just made differently...
thank you LIFE for giving me these moments which bring a lump inside my throat...
Dec 31, 2008
another new year... will it be new for all?
Midnight today will usher a new year... new hopes... new goals (i know it is cliched, but many still make goals in the wake of a new year)...
midnight today, will not make a big, huge difference in the lives of many others who are living every minute in fear in Gaza where for the past five days there has been relentless rocket fires...
this post is not to discuss the right/wrong of what is happening and address why is it happening...
i am too puny a person to do that...
for the moment, let's think about the countless injured, in ramshackle hospitals, which are running short on every blood group... the countless homeless, trying to track their children, who may or may not be alive, mass funerals which are not attended by the kith and kin since many are nameless faces... but very much people of this planet, with the same emotions, same pains, same joys, same aspirations as you and me... but so much less fortunate than us... have you wondered at this small truth?
i have... and felt grateful for this small life of mine, which despite many issues, which i, at times, consider enormous, has given me the joy of a child who misses my absence, a husband who still wants a lot of attention and care, a Mother who still pines for my company and demands periodically that i tell her today when i am going home next, a job which is satisfying (if not hugely lucrative), colleagues who are good human beings...
in 2009, that is my only goal... to remain a satisfied individual, crib less, carry on with a smile and make some few people around me happy... AND (this is most important) shrug all bias, since that is the root of all unhappiness...
midnight today, will not make a big, huge difference in the lives of many others who are living every minute in fear in Gaza where for the past five days there has been relentless rocket fires...
this post is not to discuss the right/wrong of what is happening and address why is it happening...
i am too puny a person to do that...
for the moment, let's think about the countless injured, in ramshackle hospitals, which are running short on every blood group... the countless homeless, trying to track their children, who may or may not be alive, mass funerals which are not attended by the kith and kin since many are nameless faces... but very much people of this planet, with the same emotions, same pains, same joys, same aspirations as you and me... but so much less fortunate than us... have you wondered at this small truth?
i have... and felt grateful for this small life of mine, which despite many issues, which i, at times, consider enormous, has given me the joy of a child who misses my absence, a husband who still wants a lot of attention and care, a Mother who still pines for my company and demands periodically that i tell her today when i am going home next, a job which is satisfying (if not hugely lucrative), colleagues who are good human beings...
in 2009, that is my only goal... to remain a satisfied individual, crib less, carry on with a smile and make some few people around me happy... AND (this is most important) shrug all bias, since that is the root of all unhappiness...
Dec 27, 2008
the real ME
where is she???? the real me... i am delving deep and i know not where she is...
to Mom, i am the daughter who is needed for everything that one can imagine, her details of money spent, where should she go for her next holiday, her complaints against the world, her agonies of loneliness...
to R, i am her Mom, whom she needs, to tell her her stupid stories, her quarrels in school or her performance at the Toastmasters classes that she is going for in her winter vacation, show her anger, negotiate a deal (most of such deals are wholly unfair and totally in R's favour) but one she cannot afford to ignore since as she herself says, "you are my fat, sweet Mummy"...
to B, i am the wife, who does not cook (but arranges for food for all meals), who keeps a neat home, who is still more a friend rather than a wife, so can share a good bit of his secrets (odd ones, like the new sexy secy in office, without insecurity) but who knows him bone to bone and whose opinions he relies on...
to natal family, the eldest of my generation, even now cherished by aunts and uncles (on both sides) who make an effort to keep themselves informed about this idiot who is too busy with her life that she does not keep a tab on them...
to marital family, the elder daughter-in-law, somewhat distant, somewhat tough, somewhat decent, but can be relied on in times of crisis...
to friends,(very few and far between) who can talk about any and everything that bothers them since the sounding board is not judgemental...
to colleagues, who miss the banter and the loud voice when i am on vacation but who can be entrusted with work safely...
in all these myraid me-s, where am i? it is all of these put together, added one layer with the other to make a fat, strong, pig-headed whole, very opinionated, and not very scared about her opinions...
to Mom, i am the daughter who is needed for everything that one can imagine, her details of money spent, where should she go for her next holiday, her complaints against the world, her agonies of loneliness...
to R, i am her Mom, whom she needs, to tell her her stupid stories, her quarrels in school or her performance at the Toastmasters classes that she is going for in her winter vacation, show her anger, negotiate a deal (most of such deals are wholly unfair and totally in R's favour) but one she cannot afford to ignore since as she herself says, "you are my fat, sweet Mummy"...
to B, i am the wife, who does not cook (but arranges for food for all meals), who keeps a neat home, who is still more a friend rather than a wife, so can share a good bit of his secrets (odd ones, like the new sexy secy in office, without insecurity) but who knows him bone to bone and whose opinions he relies on...
to natal family, the eldest of my generation, even now cherished by aunts and uncles (on both sides) who make an effort to keep themselves informed about this idiot who is too busy with her life that she does not keep a tab on them...
to marital family, the elder daughter-in-law, somewhat distant, somewhat tough, somewhat decent, but can be relied on in times of crisis...
to friends,(very few and far between) who can talk about any and everything that bothers them since the sounding board is not judgemental...
to colleagues, who miss the banter and the loud voice when i am on vacation but who can be entrusted with work safely...
in all these myraid me-s, where am i? it is all of these put together, added one layer with the other to make a fat, strong, pig-headed whole, very opinionated, and not very scared about her opinions...
Dec 23, 2008
the flop baker
it's winter vacation in schools... trying time for all those who have to leave their children and go to work.
and more trying if the child is home alone...
so Mummy turned a baker in the evening today...
one who hardly cooks (and does not feel sorry for the fact) steps into the kitchen since R wants the cake batter (not the cake, mind you)... she wants to lick the batter from the bowl in which Mummy has made the batter and emptied it in another for it to bake...
there was a time, when in a phase of transition between countries, i was at home (read, not employed) for six whole months... the MOST diificult time of my life... i had sort of decided to find a job where i could dictate timings (fancy me, as usual) so that R could be looked after as well... that story i will tell later...
it is in that fateful six months that i got hooked on to tele, a vice and an opium at one shot... so in addition to all the soaps, i watched the cookery shows too...
so when today's batter turned into a hard lump after mixing four, sugar, essence, baking powder, i ran to the bedroom to locate my yellowish notes... those that i had taken down with my bionic speed while the host almost wound up the show... and found that i had not added butter...
quickly i added that, but some evil eye had cast its spell... so bake i did, but the cake (R and i call it so) turned out totally flat...
but R licked the batter and kissed me with the batter all over her face...
B, am sure, will not even notice the yellowish thing lying on the table...
and for consolation, R wants a bit of that lump for tomorrow's breakfast.
she understands that Mummy is no cook or baker... and has internalised it well. she instead reads the magazines i write for (including the fashion title which she reads cover to cover and is on top of things in that domain)and tells her friends about the issues we try to talk about...
at least, her mind seems to be occupied.
for all my inefficiency with cooking, i try to make it up by the books that i get for R from the library or Virgin Megastore...
and more trying if the child is home alone...
so Mummy turned a baker in the evening today...
one who hardly cooks (and does not feel sorry for the fact) steps into the kitchen since R wants the cake batter (not the cake, mind you)... she wants to lick the batter from the bowl in which Mummy has made the batter and emptied it in another for it to bake...
there was a time, when in a phase of transition between countries, i was at home (read, not employed) for six whole months... the MOST diificult time of my life... i had sort of decided to find a job where i could dictate timings (fancy me, as usual) so that R could be looked after as well... that story i will tell later...
it is in that fateful six months that i got hooked on to tele, a vice and an opium at one shot... so in addition to all the soaps, i watched the cookery shows too...
so when today's batter turned into a hard lump after mixing four, sugar, essence, baking powder, i ran to the bedroom to locate my yellowish notes... those that i had taken down with my bionic speed while the host almost wound up the show... and found that i had not added butter...
quickly i added that, but some evil eye had cast its spell... so bake i did, but the cake (R and i call it so) turned out totally flat...
but R licked the batter and kissed me with the batter all over her face...
B, am sure, will not even notice the yellowish thing lying on the table...
and for consolation, R wants a bit of that lump for tomorrow's breakfast.
she understands that Mummy is no cook or baker... and has internalised it well. she instead reads the magazines i write for (including the fashion title which she reads cover to cover and is on top of things in that domain)and tells her friends about the issues we try to talk about...
at least, her mind seems to be occupied.
for all my inefficiency with cooking, i try to make it up by the books that i get for R from the library or Virgin Megastore...
Dec 16, 2008
On the lap of history...
this is my reaction to our latest vacation. we literally were in the lap of history, with each building, nay each brick in the city of Paris, having some history attached to it.
it is difficult to have savoured the city in just five days... one really needs to be there for five years... only if one can retain her status as a tourist and does not have to get into the fray of earning a living, can one do real justice to the awesome place.
a bird's eye view of the city one gets on top of both the Eiffel Tower (do not bother to go to the topmost level, since with fog, visibility is limited; the second level is good enough) and the Arc de Triomphe. it is from this latter landmark that the fashion capital of the world pans out in 12 different directions, with La Defence and the Louvre equidistant on either side.
for one, the country has and knows how to preserve history. they have kept the memories of its stalwarts (that we laymen from other countries know only as characters popping out of history pages) alive... so Napoleon and his family, De Gaulle and his exploits have been preserved in museums dedicated to them...
when monarchy died out in this advanced nation, palaces fell vacant, but not the memories associated with them... and what better use can a nation do of its old palaces than to convert them into museaums?
so one has the Louvre, a museaum that has the largest art largesse in the world, including the Mona Lisa, the Invalides that has Napolean's tomb on the one hand and his daily budget on the other... such is the detailing that has gone into the thought behind the collection...
why leave out the Siene? a cruise on it takes one from the Sorborne University to the Notre Dam, the Versailles Palace and the French Assembly...
and if history does not interest you and fashion does, go for Paris. the average man and woman in the city looks and carries as much fashion and style that sets the tone and direction of the whole world. so stroll on Champs Elysees and you'll see budding models who may make it to the cover of Vogue some day on the open ramps in the many shops that line this avenue. and believe me, all the images of Hollywood from the late 1960s till this day fall in perspective on the Champs Elysees... each lady/man that you see on the roads remind you of some Western movie or the other... they carry colours, bright and muted; new patterns, loud and understated; new cuts, bold and traditional, with equal elan.
and what about the open romancing? o la la... each couple had their lips locked, be it on the Metro, or the Champs Elysees or lift taking us to the top of Eiffel Tower... inspired by all these lip-locking romantics, B and i, managed to hug a couple of times and requested R to click us... that was very romantic for us and the photographer merely managed the shots, with a lot of unasked questions...
it is all a question of perspective... where the West believes in showing off their love, we feel it is something to be felt...
all in all, nice trip, great weather, good food, smooth wine and memories of a lifetime... while i have put this down here, R is busy her Paris collage and B is humming Champs Elysees... that's his way of compensating himself for not having seen the Lido show...
it is difficult to have savoured the city in just five days... one really needs to be there for five years... only if one can retain her status as a tourist and does not have to get into the fray of earning a living, can one do real justice to the awesome place.
a bird's eye view of the city one gets on top of both the Eiffel Tower (do not bother to go to the topmost level, since with fog, visibility is limited; the second level is good enough) and the Arc de Triomphe. it is from this latter landmark that the fashion capital of the world pans out in 12 different directions, with La Defence and the Louvre equidistant on either side.
for one, the country has and knows how to preserve history. they have kept the memories of its stalwarts (that we laymen from other countries know only as characters popping out of history pages) alive... so Napoleon and his family, De Gaulle and his exploits have been preserved in museums dedicated to them...
when monarchy died out in this advanced nation, palaces fell vacant, but not the memories associated with them... and what better use can a nation do of its old palaces than to convert them into museaums?
so one has the Louvre, a museaum that has the largest art largesse in the world, including the Mona Lisa, the Invalides that has Napolean's tomb on the one hand and his daily budget on the other... such is the detailing that has gone into the thought behind the collection...
why leave out the Siene? a cruise on it takes one from the Sorborne University to the Notre Dam, the Versailles Palace and the French Assembly...
and if history does not interest you and fashion does, go for Paris. the average man and woman in the city looks and carries as much fashion and style that sets the tone and direction of the whole world. so stroll on Champs Elysees and you'll see budding models who may make it to the cover of Vogue some day on the open ramps in the many shops that line this avenue. and believe me, all the images of Hollywood from the late 1960s till this day fall in perspective on the Champs Elysees... each lady/man that you see on the roads remind you of some Western movie or the other... they carry colours, bright and muted; new patterns, loud and understated; new cuts, bold and traditional, with equal elan.
and what about the open romancing? o la la... each couple had their lips locked, be it on the Metro, or the Champs Elysees or lift taking us to the top of Eiffel Tower... inspired by all these lip-locking romantics, B and i, managed to hug a couple of times and requested R to click us... that was very romantic for us and the photographer merely managed the shots, with a lot of unasked questions...
it is all a question of perspective... where the West believes in showing off their love, we feel it is something to be felt...
all in all, nice trip, great weather, good food, smooth wine and memories of a lifetime... while i have put this down here, R is busy her Paris collage and B is humming Champs Elysees... that's his way of compensating himself for not having seen the Lido show...
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