there used to be a clear segregation of the type of soap to be used in winter and summer... look at the hoardings all over, the radio or occasional (then) TV advertisements and all one could fathom was: glycerine soaps are meant for winter and there were a plethora of local names (they were too puny to be called brands) to choose from...
with glycerine soaps piggy backed the skin care lotions: names like Tuhina, Basanta Malati that appealed to the earlier generations and Nivea, Dove to the later ones...
this was the scenario when we were growing up... soaps and skin care products were touted only on the anvil of winter... rest of the year, one could live without any regimen of skin care...
and believe me, we lived this... we became conscious of skin care only when the weather became drier, each year, year after year...
the rest of the sultry, sweaty summer passed without much ado about skin care...
today, when R spends aeons in front of the mirror, applying lotion, all year round, i find it perfectly normal...
but when i look deeper into this, i feel, she is growing in different times, away from family elders... many of my growing up experiences were different from R because we always had invisible power centres outside of the immediate family, constantly interferening in the way we were growing up, giving 'new' (since they did not strike Mom alone) ideas on how growing children need to be controlled. we, as parents, do not give such liberty to anyone to comment on our child's limits and on our parenting lacunae...
this has its merits and shortcomings... she is growing free from interference, but equally she has very few people who know her as a person, even within the wider family... in my natal set up, she is my daughter; in B's family, she is his...
Dec 9, 2008
random moments
Eid holidays are on. before every long break, i set out some tasks for myself, not in writing but in the mind. creates less pressure than a written list, possibly.
this time, it was clearing the closets and the enormous book case R has, part of which she has managed to fill with all the rubbish she gets from anywhere and everywhere.
yesterday was closets clearing day... time to chuck out old clothes, none of which are torn or even faded, but those that we have got tired of wearing. time to sort those clothes out in neat packets and old suitcases. while most of these were R's since she has outgrown quite a lot of her clothes which were just dumped into this unused corner, while sorting these out, my mind seemed to get into those moments that went into carefully selecting those frocks, those dungarees, those tights, those Ts... and picturing R in them... when she ran with those, when she smiled in them and when she fell with them on... part of it were also gifts from Mom or B's parents... remembered some of those old moments when the gifts were given to R, nothing rich or ornate, but filled with love for their only grand daughter... incidentally, R does not any girl cousins... on both sides, she just has younger brothers, three naughty ones...
now the challenge is to find out what one can do with these clothes. coming from a country where a many have insufficient clothes, we feel guilty if we have to just junk them out. i would like to give it away to some organisation which looks after kids so that these could be put to good use. does anyone know of any such local organisation?
today was the book cleaning day. first of all, must say R tries to obey me. when i keep telling her that last year's exercise books which have pages left must not be thrown, but used this year for rough work, she has followed the first bit of advice... not thrown them. but has she used them? i don't think.
so what is the use of keeping them? "Will use them some day," was her response... when? when? when?
this time, it was clearing the closets and the enormous book case R has, part of which she has managed to fill with all the rubbish she gets from anywhere and everywhere.
yesterday was closets clearing day... time to chuck out old clothes, none of which are torn or even faded, but those that we have got tired of wearing. time to sort those clothes out in neat packets and old suitcases. while most of these were R's since she has outgrown quite a lot of her clothes which were just dumped into this unused corner, while sorting these out, my mind seemed to get into those moments that went into carefully selecting those frocks, those dungarees, those tights, those Ts... and picturing R in them... when she ran with those, when she smiled in them and when she fell with them on... part of it were also gifts from Mom or B's parents... remembered some of those old moments when the gifts were given to R, nothing rich or ornate, but filled with love for their only grand daughter... incidentally, R does not any girl cousins... on both sides, she just has younger brothers, three naughty ones...
now the challenge is to find out what one can do with these clothes. coming from a country where a many have insufficient clothes, we feel guilty if we have to just junk them out. i would like to give it away to some organisation which looks after kids so that these could be put to good use. does anyone know of any such local organisation?
today was the book cleaning day. first of all, must say R tries to obey me. when i keep telling her that last year's exercise books which have pages left must not be thrown, but used this year for rough work, she has followed the first bit of advice... not thrown them. but has she used them? i don't think.
so what is the use of keeping them? "Will use them some day," was her response... when? when? when?
Dec 7, 2008
possessiveness? or mean-ness?
recently, i came across a lady who seemed most graceful in everything she does -- working tirelessly, managing a home with three generations, having a very well-defined identity, great marriage and above all seems happy with herself...
actually, the last is what should have been first since that is, to me, the root of all else she does...
this lady, i shortly discovered is also very generous (i do not have any better word to use here) with her husband...
odd, but true...
she knows of her husband's ex-crush since they were friends before they became serious about each other... what's more, she does not shy away from the fact that the crush caused quite a bit of pain to her now-husband...
honestly, i have not been able to categorise her... is she very smart? realistic? not possessive?
or many others are dumbos? impractical? mean?
many other marriages i know of would have collapsed had the wife/husband known of the husban/wife's ex-crush... here, it is as smooth as butter...
after a lot of analysis, i finally concluded: it takes all kinds to make this world and she is one of the rare kinds. two, it is just a question of attitude and she has loads of it...
keep it up, wifey, though she would, as far as i have known her, would loathe this descriptor...
actually, the last is what should have been first since that is, to me, the root of all else she does...
this lady, i shortly discovered is also very generous (i do not have any better word to use here) with her husband...
odd, but true...
she knows of her husband's ex-crush since they were friends before they became serious about each other... what's more, she does not shy away from the fact that the crush caused quite a bit of pain to her now-husband...
honestly, i have not been able to categorise her... is she very smart? realistic? not possessive?
or many others are dumbos? impractical? mean?
many other marriages i know of would have collapsed had the wife/husband known of the husban/wife's ex-crush... here, it is as smooth as butter...
after a lot of analysis, i finally concluded: it takes all kinds to make this world and she is one of the rare kinds. two, it is just a question of attitude and she has loads of it...
keep it up, wifey, though she would, as far as i have known her, would loathe this descriptor...
Dec 5, 2008
how do the mornings look?
how does the morning look at your home? how does the morning look at X's home or Y's home?
today, on a lazy winter weekend, while having my date with a steaming cuppa, i was reminded of this eternal query on my mind, aeons back...
i would love the way the morning looked at home with the sun kissing the bed, bathing the balcony with its warmth and creating a feeling of hope and renewal in my mind.
similarly when visiting my Mom's natal home or my paternal grandparents or any aunt, i first thing i would do when i woke up, was to run out and see what the morning was like... how did the trees look? how did the flowers bloom? how long was the shadow of the house? how did the people walking in the sun look? how much sunlight did the rooms have? and all these at later hours too... for the road in the morning looked different from the road at 10 am or 12 noon...
thus, i hated the monsoons, many days of which began with an overcast sky.
but for all my rendevous with the morning, which i never realised then, i understand now that it was possible only because of the habit of early rising that was forced down our gullet. so i had decided that once on my own, i would never wake up early when i am on my own.
but as luck would have it, i entered my professional life in a city that never sleeps... so my morning sojourns continued, but in a different way... i was in a train coming towards VT or Churchgate in Mumbai...
and now it is more of habit... i cannot sleep beyond a particular hour and can neither lie down when awake...
i have come to enjoy the mornings alone, i do not want to talk, i do not want to be distracted from my gaze outside the window where i stare out at the shadows that the buildings opposite my home create, the slow pace of the day (today), given the less number of cars on the road, some curious by-standers...
and let me tell you, i go back home each morning when i am looking out here at the speeding cars in the road outside my window... and one question in my mind is... morning are you the same there as you were 17+ years back?
today, on a lazy winter weekend, while having my date with a steaming cuppa, i was reminded of this eternal query on my mind, aeons back...
i would love the way the morning looked at home with the sun kissing the bed, bathing the balcony with its warmth and creating a feeling of hope and renewal in my mind.
similarly when visiting my Mom's natal home or my paternal grandparents or any aunt, i first thing i would do when i woke up, was to run out and see what the morning was like... how did the trees look? how did the flowers bloom? how long was the shadow of the house? how did the people walking in the sun look? how much sunlight did the rooms have? and all these at later hours too... for the road in the morning looked different from the road at 10 am or 12 noon...
thus, i hated the monsoons, many days of which began with an overcast sky.
but for all my rendevous with the morning, which i never realised then, i understand now that it was possible only because of the habit of early rising that was forced down our gullet. so i had decided that once on my own, i would never wake up early when i am on my own.
but as luck would have it, i entered my professional life in a city that never sleeps... so my morning sojourns continued, but in a different way... i was in a train coming towards VT or Churchgate in Mumbai...
and now it is more of habit... i cannot sleep beyond a particular hour and can neither lie down when awake...
i have come to enjoy the mornings alone, i do not want to talk, i do not want to be distracted from my gaze outside the window where i stare out at the shadows that the buildings opposite my home create, the slow pace of the day (today), given the less number of cars on the road, some curious by-standers...
and let me tell you, i go back home each morning when i am looking out here at the speeding cars in the road outside my window... and one question in my mind is... morning are you the same there as you were 17+ years back?
Dec 4, 2008
have you done this?
i have not. but given a chance to re-do what i have done, this i surely would...
well let's have a better bargain... i will do it for our Silver Wedding Anniversary, some 8 years from now and will invite you too...
on a different note, B's colleague and his wifey are all excited about their 25th Wedding Anniversary, they will wed again in the Church where they got married, they will have all nth cousins attend it, and the two MCs will be their son and daughter. while they are full-time planning, Mr A (B's colleague) sends out the e-Card to all in the office.
an hour later, N, a young lady who works in Mr A's team, comes in hurriedly and says, "Happy Birthday, A... and many happy returns."
crest fallen and in no mood to clarify, he sobs his heart out to B, who could not help laughing out loud.
when i heard it at dinner, i almost choked and R, in the midst of a glass of water, spewed it out on the wall.
who said insensitivity is not fun?
well let's have a better bargain... i will do it for our Silver Wedding Anniversary, some 8 years from now and will invite you too...
on a different note, B's colleague and his wifey are all excited about their 25th Wedding Anniversary, they will wed again in the Church where they got married, they will have all nth cousins attend it, and the two MCs will be their son and daughter. while they are full-time planning, Mr A (B's colleague) sends out the e-Card to all in the office.
an hour later, N, a young lady who works in Mr A's team, comes in hurriedly and says, "Happy Birthday, A... and many happy returns."
crest fallen and in no mood to clarify, he sobs his heart out to B, who could not help laughing out loud.
when i heard it at dinner, i almost choked and R, in the midst of a glass of water, spewed it out on the wall.
who said insensitivity is not fun?
Dec 2, 2008
our people assessments
we do it all the time, whether we are conscious of it or not... we study people, we look at them intently, we re-look at the interaction we have had, we keep on revisiting the experience and on the basis of all these, we draw an image of the person in question; we also tailor our expectations of people -- how they will behave with us, how they will react in a particular situation, how they will deal with life in general... based on the assessment that we have made...
and many a times, we are correct in the way we have formed our opinion of the world around us. so we feel, life really rocks.
but what we forget to factor in all of these is: the person(s) we have assessed is not a static entity, s/he has a mind that is also working over-time, moulded by all the experiences that s/he is having on a continuous basis. so what we assessed on day x, may not hold true on day y
so some other time, we feel that we have goofed up on our assessments and are shocked by the way people (whom we have formed opinions about) act, react or behave.
the shock, however, comes only in the first instance of the new behaviour pattern... and as we lick the wounds of the shock, mind you, the bugger inside, already starts work in re-sketching the opinion and re-setting the parameters so that we have an easier time dealing with the person in question, the next time on.in the midst of all this, we also need to factor in another variable: while we assess, we are also being continually opined on... and the person's reaction to us, whether pleasing or shocking to us, has also been coloured by the way s/he has assessed us...
so next time you face a jab (silent or vocal), remember to count in all these in your mind...
well, have i told myself all this????????????
and many a times, we are correct in the way we have formed our opinion of the world around us. so we feel, life really rocks.
but what we forget to factor in all of these is: the person(s) we have assessed is not a static entity, s/he has a mind that is also working over-time, moulded by all the experiences that s/he is having on a continuous basis. so what we assessed on day x, may not hold true on day y
so some other time, we feel that we have goofed up on our assessments and are shocked by the way people (whom we have formed opinions about) act, react or behave.
the shock, however, comes only in the first instance of the new behaviour pattern... and as we lick the wounds of the shock, mind you, the bugger inside, already starts work in re-sketching the opinion and re-setting the parameters so that we have an easier time dealing with the person in question, the next time on.in the midst of all this, we also need to factor in another variable: while we assess, we are also being continually opined on... and the person's reaction to us, whether pleasing or shocking to us, has also been coloured by the way s/he has assessed us...
so next time you face a jab (silent or vocal), remember to count in all these in your mind...
well, have i told myself all this????????????
Dec 1, 2008
Happy Birthday R
it is 13 years for R who was born this day in 1995.
13 years for B and me as parents.
13 years for two families with their first grandchild.
lots of memories, lots of looking back.
but one wish...
May you grow fine, R,
May you hold your head high
May you love others
And allow others to love you.
Mummy
13 years for B and me as parents.
13 years for two families with their first grandchild.
lots of memories, lots of looking back.
but one wish...
May you grow fine, R,
May you hold your head high
May you love others
And allow others to love you.
Mummy
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