40 years back...

when i was roughly 2...
Umm, this emotion is universal, i guess...
i don't know whether the man here held another child or not; i guess he had...
but the care is so palpable... something that will never ever happen, and something i will miss perpetually...

and now the real answers... and how i now reside in Pluto

honestly, i was crest fallen with the earlier post... i hit a depression, cried and cried to friends (something that is really really difficult) and decided to speak to her... she said the earlier answers were JOKES and could i take them seriously??? i said, "Ok. then send me the correct, serious answers by mail. but no buttering." she instantly said, "i do not butter people, and in this i am like you and Pa."

and here are the real answers...

What is something I always say to you?
To be independent
** how well she has read me**

What makes me happy?
When im happy…so r u

What makes me sad?
When im sad…..so r u

** can i gloat a little over these two??**

How do I make you laugh?
Actually….im the funny one

Like?
Ummm….im not very funny….but I laugh at my own jokes…and some of yours too.

What do you think I was like as a child?
Honour student!!! Proud one at that

** Ma, r u hearing this??**

How old am I?
Ur a baby!!!!!! =)

How tall am I?
A bit shorter than me

**this is true**

What is my favourite thing to do?
Read….sleep….talk to me

What do I do when you’re not around?
Think of me??? Hahahahah….i don’t know….read?

If I become famous, what will it be for?
Writing a book…..you better get started

**i am hitting the rooftop, better tell the world that i do not fit here any more :))**

What am I really good at?
At giving pep talks

Really?
yes

What am I not really good at?
Your pretty much good at everything….mabye maths??

**my new address is Crater No. 10, Jupiter :)))))**

What is my job?
Journalist…mother…wife…daughter

** she is mistaken on the order... it is Journalist, Mother, Daughter, then Wife, but i will let that be, for her and her Pa's sake**

What is my favourite food?
Dal and rice

** she knows i am a proletariat with simple living, high thinking**

What makes you proud of me?
that you’re…..ummmm….independent

**folks, i am on Hillock No 581, Pluto**

What makes me proud of you?
Duh…that im ATRAYEE MUKHERJEE….that should make you proud enough!!

**it DOES, for sure**

What do you and I do together?
I explain to you about hannah montanna

How are we the same?
Looks wise

How are you and I different?
We have very different opinions…tastes

How do you know that I love you?
Because I just know

**Muaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah**

What is one thing you wish you could change about me?
Make you thinner

**we have the same wishlist :)) which will not materialise**

Now tell me what you feel about this... me and my fragile maternal ego will feel better...

read it, nonetheless

one book, after a long time, that i had to make an effort to get going. but i did not give up and it took exactly six weeks to be done with it. since i made the effort, i thought, i will write about it too.
this 194-page book is one continuous read, no breaks, no chapters, no segregation... the biggest drawback for a reader like me who reads a couple of chapters of a book on a day... and without this break, it was a little drudgery to go on.

but first a little background. if you have seen the link, it's clear why, though, being considered a foremost writer of the 2oth century, Woolf is a difficult read. One, the time is quite far back -- 84 years to be precise, published as it was in 1925. that however is little reason for its being difficult since the thought process is very contemporary. it is the use of language itself which is most important reason behind it being quite a toll on the reader.


i will quote a sample:

"For the great revolution of Mr. Willet's summer time had taken Peter Walsh's last visit to England. the prolonged evening was new to him. It was inspiring, rather. For as the young people went by with their despatch-boxes, awfully glad to be free, proud too, dunbly, of stepping this famous pavement, joy of a kind, cheap, tinselly, if you like, but all the same rapture, flushed their faces. They dressed well too; pink stockings; pretty shoes. They would now have two hours at the pictures. It sharpened, it refined them, the yellow-blue evening light; and on the leaves in the square shone lurid, livid -- they looked as if dipped in sea water -- the foliage of a submered city. He was astonished by the beauty; it was encouraging too, for where the returned Anglo-Indian sat by rights (he knew crowds of them) in the Oriental Club biliously summing up the ruin of the world, here was he, as young as ever; envying young people their summer time and the rest of it, and more than suspecting from the words of a girl, from a housemaid's laughter -- intangible things you couldn't lay your hands on -- that shift in the whole pyramidal accumulation which in his youth had seemed immovable..."




all the above, within quotes, is one half of a para, spanning one and a half pages. that is on the negative since today, we are more comfortable with this, the 140-character magic.


on the positive, look at the myraid streams of thought that Woolf captures, all of it in one mind -- Peter Walsh, Mrs Dalloway's ex-boyfriend, who has come for the party that she throws at her London mansion. And the 194-page novella just talks about this one day, the day of the party, from morning till night, with about 2% printed space given to dialogues.

if you are patient, read it. if you want to unravel layers of thought in a mind at any point in time, read it. if London fascinates you, read it.

the difficult teen? or the overweening Mom?

The tag is from here and only for her sake have i gone ahead and published this. BTW, i sent the questions by mail and she replied...



What is something I always say to you?
“if u get gud marks mi bank balance wont increase”


What makes me happy?
Ummmmm….gud marks??


What makes me sad?
Bad marks??


How do I make you laugh?
Ur not funny at all


Like?
Whts dat supposed to mean?


What do you think I was like as a child?
Bukworm??


How old am I?
43…in other words really old!!


How tall am I?
Shorter dan me


What is my favourite thing to do?
Sleep??


What do I do when you’re not around?
Sleep??


If I become famous, what will it be for?
Being hitler’s incarnation….


What am I really good at?
Bossing people


Really?
Yup!!


What am I not really good at?
Ummm….evrything xcept bossing people


What is my job?
Irritating people…nd bossing them


What is my favourite food?
Mango?


What makes you proud of me?
Nuthin!!


What makes me proud of you?
Gud marks?


What do you and I do together?
U irritate me…I shout at u!!


How are we the same?
Onli luks wise


How are you and I different?
Evry other way


How do you know that I love you?
I don read minds!!


What is one thing you wish you could change about me?
Ummm…nuthin!!!



... now you know why i was sure a e-mail would work and a face-to-face would not?

12 years back

R at 1 yr 7 mths...
the father looks younger too!

i am looking forward to a long break...

... and all i want is great food, home-cooked and planned by Ma, late mornings when i can not only wake up late, but also brush for 10 minutes, have a hot cuppa of nicely brewed Darjeeing tea, glaze over the headlines of The Statesman, The Telegraph and The Times of India, in exactly the same order, have breakfast at leisure with Ma and R, and listen to all that Ma has to say, tell her my points of view and slip into bed for a small rest...

... to be broken by umpteen reminders for a bath... followed by yum food, a short siesta, tea again, then the trio, spread across three generations goes socialising or have guests drop over, or bro, sis-in-law and nephew join in for a loud get-together where more time goes in giggling and trying to stop the children fight than reach any conclusion in what we are trying to discusss, followed by dinner and late night chit-chats, catching up of old gossip, and slipping off to slumber amidst all the side-pillows...

but such days, i know for sure, will be few and far between, they will be peppered with more work, mindless socialising and phone calls, though i have tried to tell Ma that this time on, i am not going to make any phone calls, not go visiting anyone...

she has mastered the art of diplomacy quite well, so says, "don't worry, I am not even going to suggest such things to you", but i know the ease with which she will mention people whom she wants me to call/visit and leave the decision to me... and i will do what she wants... when she sees, i am not yielding, she will drop a hint, "you will know how i am feeling when once R comes visiting and she does not call on anyone, like B (bro), for instance." and she will have the better of me... this has been the story for the past 18 years... and we seem to just carry on being the same...

Mom-to-Mom tag

Umm tagged me and here's my take on mommy-ing and why it is sooooo difficult.

1. The challenges change every day. One day's peace does not guarantee the next day's; one day's challenge met, does not make the next day's easier.

2. There are no recipe's for easy success.

3. Forgiving is no effort, but it gets a little difficult when one has to continuously go on doing it.

4. When outsiders praise the child for her discipline, for her controlled reactions, for the way she carries herself, my constant reaction is, "If you can the same things about her 10 years on, I'll know that it is a job well done." But inside, deep inside the chest swells. Ms Pride at work! but is thumped instantly.

5. Parenting has a nice, little prefix: TACT, all caps, bold, in shining colour and the tact is seen through very easily by the child, so one goes on racking the brain constantly.

I could go on, but since 5 is the number, I stop.

BTW, just read this lady's blog in case you guys feel like...

my heart breaks to do this...

... i have to.

i have to sell it, since there is going to be no future use of it... the flat that i pined for, the one that i eventually bought, after much searching, after much planning, after much of calculations, after checking out many others, after really scrounging for every penny that i had saved out of my own salary, my own labour, my own thinking, my own brains...

... and each article, from the curtains to the cushions, from the knick-knacks to the wall paint, from the furniture in each room to the mug in the washrooms, from the lights and the fans (no there is no AC in the flat), i had been involved in, i had decided, i had paid for... and we have lived there on and off, but i do not see myself going back there...

now 11 years after i had bought it, i am thinking of selling it off... for one, this is a fourth floor lift-less flat, so no way i see myself in old age, trudging all of 78 steps to reach my little nest... and B has bought another one for us, and constantly keeps referring to that flat as "your home"... that is the closest he can get to telling me, "my gift for you"... earlier, i used to rebuff him and say "that flat i am not paying for, so it is not mine." but since he hasn't heeded to my message, i decided to heed to his... and i now refer to his flat as mine and the bugger inside has already started planning the colour of the wall paints, the lights that could be used to increase the impact of space, the kitchen cabinets, the cupboards that will have to be made, the colour of the curtains... and sometimes, very very rarely, i try to take R into confidence when she comes up with her own vision of her room...

but let me tell you one sure fact, that though i have an unearned home, a home that my husband of 18+ years has "gifted" me, the decision to sell "my own, my very own flat", is a painful decision to have arrived at... and that is one reason that i have kept postponing the ensuing vacation, i have waited 19 months from the last time i have gone just to make sure that i will finally pass it off to some other dreamer...

what is this space for?

big question mark...

but no one single answer since different individuals, different reasons for being here, different ways of looking at things, differing reactions to a similar thing, virtual dialogue... endless reasons, endless possibilities, and endless virtual kicks (positive and negative).

most people, including your truly, are here just to write their minds out... they are open with just about everything, from sex to love for their spouses/partners, their children, their hurt with someone/something, some experience that they have had, which could have instigated a thought process in their minds, and the readers giving their viewpoints in the comments which, many a times, could take on a tangent from where it all started.

here we can cry a little (without the inner me, Ms Ego telling booing us), laugh aloud, resort to virtual shoulders for a little support, get a little cushion, complain and yet not offend someone, complain and offend someone, and move on... this is just like the personal diary of yore, but one that is virtual and open to others, one in which we welcome opinions, give our own, whether asked or not, agree, agree to disagree since there is no such thing as the courtesy of consensus.
to me, this place is to just vent, though sometimes one does feel constrained since some of you even know me in person... :)))

till date, however, i really have not come across one topic -- openness about an extra-marital affair, though i myself and many others i read have written about a crush here, a nice feeling there, a harmless flirt somewhere else. even in the virtual world, this is something we do not want to risk talking about... some sanctity somewhere? or plain cowardice? not made my mind up.