R's Mummy and R

below is what i feel about the most important role in my life...
i still have doubts on my mothering skills though it is 26 days short of 13 full years... and let me tell you also that R was neither an accident, nor an after thought... she was planned and timed, when my parents and B's had almost given up all hopes of their first grandchild...
my first reaction to this bundle of joy was insecurity... how could i understand when she is hungry? when sleepy? when in colic? how do i know how much to feed her? what do i do in case of a high fever? or when she does not pass stool? or vomits? or goes into a dehydration?... all related to creature comforts, all when she was hours, days, weeks, months and till two years old...
this stage passed... passed with days and nights of back-breaking effort, more so because we were alone without any family help, first-time parents, had to commute one-and-a-half hours each way to work and back, kept busy schedules at work, all this while the lady entrusted with her care at home while we were away at work, decided to leave, so enter the day care, and the big G rearing its head every day when we dropped her off, and she said, "bye" for 10 hours with a tear drop in each eye and a pout on her lips... my heart broke every day... but i could not bring myself to resign from a cushy job at Mumbai and later at Kolkata...
gradually, when we shifted to Kolkata and R began her play school, the challenge for me was to keep her mind occupied, teach her the difference between a y and a w, teach her social skills, read to her at night (i did that from the time she was barely a year old) so that she slept with dreams straight out of books...
then started formal school... change of routine from her play school, and the associated newness... by then, she had her friends and their moms became my friends (this process still continues)...
then came Delhi, change again... R struggled with Hindi with me... had new friends in her new school and all along when her friends said, "you look like your Mom," she relayed that to me with a twinkle in the eye... and one day told her friend, "obviously, because i was in her tummy for 248 days" (the mother of this friend recounted the count later over coffee!!)...
at this stage, she once told B, "i look like her, but my skin is like you, see the dots,"... an effort to humour B, lest her father feels left out...
Kolkata again... change again, new school again, this time a new board too... R looked tired at times with these frequent changes... but i learnt adjustment from her... that she is a silent kind with the habit of keeping things to herself i knew now...
enter Muscat... struggle less, because i was with her at home for six months at a stretch... new friends, new board, new country, new language, Arabic... but remarkable versatility
to Doha... she is 11... getting mature in logic, but knows how to negotiate and when not to, reads like us, incessantly, shows a mind of her own, with strong arguments at times... still dependent on me, i love that though B feels i am putting her in a handicap...
in fact, R renewed my faith in life when Dad left and left suddenly... she is the one who comforted me with her tiny hands whenever i became wistful... she pulled me back from a huge bout of depression, her kisses and hugs tell me that i am important, her eyes can spot a slight change of look or expression on my face, she is the one who cries when i am travelling on work, and it is she who takes me back home every single day... the entire structure of my day and night is wound according to her day.
never have i identified more with anyone else and she has shown me what my parents have done for me... so that i love them ever more.