selfish mom... contradiction in terms? search within

this article sums up a new dimension in today's parenting...
it talks about HAPPY KIDS and the role of the parents, especially the mother... and one sentence literally spilled a bucket of cold water on my face: quoting a British survey, it says, "the main risk for British children... was that their selfish parents were too busy chasing their own success. The culture of individual fulfilment for adults was making the lot of children much less happy than a generation or two ago.... Odd though it might seem, it had never occured to me that working was selfish. If we work hard, we make money, and because work is stretching and stimulating, which can't be bad. Sneaking off to have a manicure instead of grilling fish fingers is selfish, but toiling over the computer is not."
and as the writer very clearly points out, it is one word that has caused a lot of trouble for a lot of mothers all over... that word is selfish.
we all are selfish as individuals and have rationalised it for ourselves, as partners, as professionals, as children, as friends, as acquaintances... we are selfish as all these... we know it, we have accepted it...
so no pains...
but as mothers, selfish???? not possible, we cry out... i do this for her, i do that for her, i do the other for her...
wrong, all wrong, all false, all lies...
two reasons why: first ask yourself whether all that you and i claim to do for them, is it actually for them?
my take is:we do all of what we do for them, actually for our own selves... all the running around for them is actually for US, not for them.
second, even if we accept that we do tonnes of things for them, how much of it is with them too?...
find that out...
so we are selfish as mothers... but the idea is not to accept that and wallow in self pity for the rest of our lives... the idea is to work around our unique situations... the idea is to strive to be better as mothers, better as friendly mothers...
and again, it will be not for the little ones we have brought in here, it will again be for ourselves...
the idea is to move towards as better as we can get, so that the child opens up to us, without fear, without doubt, without a cloud on her eyes...
and when the child seems like an open book (as the mother, we can see it reflected on the eyes), i guess we have done better than yesterday, but remember, tomorrow is yet another day, and the striving within has to continue...