marriage and/or success?

this is a crucial paradox but true nonetheless... women have to choose between a stable, successful marriage and sky rocketing professional career...
and i have stopped asking why... i did ask these whys when i was younger, when i was relatively inexperienced, but now i keep silent (in fact, while i was in the process of being hired by a financial institution way back in 1993, i was asked at the second interview, "what are your family plans?" when i did not understand and my face said it, the Executive Director of the company asked me, "we mean when do you plan to have children?" pat i replied, "pardon me, but had there been a guy in my place, would this question have arisen? and equally pat came the reply from the ED, "no certainly not, since he would not take maternity leave and be away from work like a lady would need to." so though i did not answer that question and was still hired, the question still lingers in my mind)... but have still not accepted it... and often question the choices i myself make from time to time...
how many women have you come across personally, who are very very successful and have a rocking family and family life? whose success on the job has not eaten away balanced children, a happy spouse? who sits on the Board of her company, travels 20 days a month on work, have brilliant children and an equally successful spouse?
honestly, i have seen very successful women from very close quarters... but the choices they have been able to make, can by no means be universal... one lady i knew, was the Joint MD of the same company i referred to above... she was certainly very successful, having been shortlisted by Forbes... her children were quite balanced, but her spouse was remarkable... he was an armyman, took early retirement to be with the kids to enable his wife to fly professionally and introduced himself as "Mr LDG"... very few, i repeat, very few men would do this...
another lady, equally successful, has two growing children, but her spouse has chosen to work from home on his own business... this has worked two ways... a) the women have taken the lead in career, b) aided by men who have made a different kind of choice... but they possibly could do it as a family since there was no confusion on who wears the pants and even if the lady was more successful, that did not hurt the usually fragile male ego.
now not all women can hope for such robust support structures... again, am i opining that because of the men in their lives, these women could be successful to the extent they have been? possible... and why not? if so many score women all over the world are taking easy careers (your truly included, to be blank honest) just to enable the husband ride exciting career and career booms, what is wrong with some men doing it...
just the other day, B received a mail from an ex student of his... she works for Infosys, is on different continents on different days of the week, and is still single at 29. her parents have told her to find a guy, but she has not been able... she says that most men she knows want home-makers as partners... and she does not want to turn a home maker...
are we heading towards a situation where we either have successful women or successful marriages?