lump, what were you telling me?

was slightly late in getting back from work... R was home since her Eid holidays have started... i did meet her in the morning twice when i dropped her off for her Maths classes and agian dropped her back home...
to my surprise, when i got back, i saw a plate on the sink... it had the leftovers of a mini-meal that R had... was i seeing right?... i asked and she said, "i was hungry so helped myself to coriander chutney and rice?"... i felt a lump in my throat... was i happy or was i sad? happy because she felt hungry on her own? sad because she helped herself while i was late? happy because she is slowly becoming more and more independent, something that i had wanted so desperately when she could not move on her own? or sad because she was outgrowing me?...
i quickly gulped down my lump and served lunch... but the scene of my child home alone and helping herself to food has stayed on... though i still do not know why that lump came... what was it reminding me of? my inadequacy? my time up? my insufficient parenting skills? my... what?