Jul 24, 2008

sediments of time

yesterday night, R and me, played a new game. we put adjectives to describe each other.
R for me: loving, devoted, with strong opinions, not calm, gets angry fast, hard-working, fast... etc etc
me for R: very loving, honest, graceful, lazy, needs to put in more effort for studies, adjusting, versatile... etc etc
in the darkness of the room, i could suddenly see a gloom falling over her face, which the maternal instinct said was not by virtue of what i had said then... i probed, cajoled, left her alone for a time... slowly, i could feel her hand over me... the ice had melted... what she told me thereafter scared me, "i remember all that you have told me over the years..." there was no recrimination in her tone, just that she has held her sorrow at what i have said (and B) close to her chest... with a cold feeling running on my spine, i held her tight...
as i pen this down, i just have one thought: have i been always correct as a mom???


deep said...

a very profound experience and anything said to this will only make the eternal moment flaccid. hats off to mother & child.

imemyself said...

possibly the universality of the experience makes it somewhat close to heart... we forget that they also assess us, in their smally minds and hearts.